Toronto 2009
In-Camp Training 2007
Sunday, October 14, 2007
As punishment for leaving church early last Sunday, I
(1) discovered that my keys were missing,
(2) turned my entire car and house inside out looking for them,
(3) drove all the way to church on Monday to look for them, only to find that they were not in the pew in which I sat and that the lost and found counter was closed,
(4) was drenched in the mighty rain that was no doubt sent to smite me and my expensive suede shoes which were also completely drenched, and
(5) had no peace of mind for that one week.
On the bright side, I did find my keys at the lost and found counter today. Guess God just wanted to give me a slap on the wrist. Better not leave church early again.
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Today I had the honour of being visited at home by our class president. He'd actually taken the train cross-country from some obscure corner of the island and walked the immeasurable distance from the station to my humble abode. When he arrived there was a most demure and innocent-looking butterfly perched on his shirt. And there it sat throughout his entire visit.
Apparently our president thinks that my house is very "functional" - things are plopped wherever they're needed. That accounts for the fan standing in the middle of my living room pointing at the piano, the ironing board and racks and piles of clothes all over the dining room and the odd piece of furniture here and there. Alas, he thinks that my room is just messy, not functional at all.
Monday, June 04, 2007
Today I discovered two things: (1) the... female... who has been consistently outswimming me at SAFRA Tampines and whom I thought was a sweet young thing in a bikini is in fact an old shrivelled thing in a bikini; (2) the infamous Tammy NYP has her own Wikipedia article!
Saturday, June 02, 2007
No complaints about lunch today. I asked Miss Japan to think of a place that was cheap, quiet and served good food. She managed to come up with a place whose identity is now the most jealously guarded secret in the entire universe. I had the fish and chips which were... good. The fries taste like the ones in Belgium, according to Miss Japan. And since I was with Miss Japan, and Miss Japan being Miss Japan, we got the private room for free, naturally. (The guy said it costs 700 bucks to hire it). And the waiter who refilled our glasses didn't even bat an eyelid when I pronounced 'Artois' as 'ah-toys' - a most professional still upper lip. Miss Japan said I looked like some rich kid who plays golf in my new baby Ralph Lauren.
Dragged her to the Esplanade after that to look for some sheet music. It would seem that the Singapore underground is populated by bovines in human getup. Thousands of cows grazingly aimlessly, accomplishing nothing but blocking my way. It didn't help that I parked at Raffles City and had to push through the cattle several times when I realised I'd left my cashcards in the car.
Dragged her to Bras Basah after that to purchase my study bible with my not-so-hard-earned cash. Luckily there was a promotion going on, so instead of having to pay one hundred and forty dollars, I only paid the low, low price of ninety-seven dollars. What a rip-off! And the shop, despite claiming the title of "leading" Christian bookstore in the land, had only two lousy copies in stock, one of which was the display copy, and the other of which had a cover that looked like it had been attacked repeatedly by a mad leprechaun with a needle. So I had to settle for the display copy which has probably been touched by fingers that have gone Lord knows where and touched Lord knows what.
Friday, June 01, 2007
JC class gathering today - 'class' here meaning of course four people. Gave Amanda a lift to Vivocity - the same Amanda whom I used to go home almost every day with and used to be on quite close terms with but who now hardly ever speaks to me because she seems to be busy with work every time I try to extend friendly overtures. Grrr... One consolation though was the fact that she gave me an elephant! Well not a real one, but a small one which she bought from Ikea for what she claims is a modest price, apparently in exchange for all the gifts (in actual fact stuff that I wanted to get rid of but couldn't bear to throw away) I've been leaving on her driveway.
Anyway we went to some German restaurant which serves really unhealthy food like sausages (read: emulsified high fat offal tubes) and pork knuckles in large quantities. We ordered a sausage platter and some guy sitting at the table next to ours told us that he was a real German and that we weren't supposed to eat the skin. So there we were like fools trying to separate the skin from the meat with no success at all when it dawned on us that maybe the slimy little bastard (ok actually it was a very big and fat bastard) had actually hoodwinked us. Bah, humbug! And would you know, it seems that even my JC class has heard of the rumours engulfing Miss Japan and myself. So I stopped the ball before it even started rolling by declaring at once that there was absolutely nothing going on. Took the wind right out of their sails. Didn't seem to discourage Banana Kwok though, who apparently had received unreliable information from a certain unreliable source whose family jewels I will now proceed to sequester.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Today I accompanied my mom to the computer fair in pursuance of her mission to acquire a new laptop on behalf of her church. Apparently my mom is the most tech savvy of all the people in whatever committee she derived her authority from. Which really makes me wonder why they need a new computer if they don't even know how to use it. Anyway the place was thronging with people and it was a most unpleasant experience having to plough my way through the crowd while preventing my new shoes from being tread on. Most of the sales staff would have made prize village idiots as well seeing as how unhelpfulness was the order of the day.
After that I trudged through the solid mass of people all the way from Suntec to Bras Basah Complex to buy my study bible but the STUPID PLACE WAS CLOSED!!! All that suffering for nothing. And then I had to walk back in the hot sun in my long pants through the horrendous crowd to get back to Suntec where I had parked. What a bloody waste of time.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Today I met up with a friend of mine who has been lost in cyberspace for the longest time. He lives!!! We had the New York fish and chips at Fish & Co. And now I'm sick of fish and chips because it was such a gargantuan portion and it had twelve cows' worth of cheese stuffed into a little cuboid. I thought I was going to suffocate on cheese at the end of it.
Today I discovered that study bibles are unconscionably expensive!!! The ones I was looking at go for over one hundred big ones for the nice leather ones and fifty for a paperback one that looks like some worn-out novel from a thrift shop. I can't understand why they charge so much. You'd think they'd be happy to spread the word of God for free. Or that they'd pay people to read it. But noooo... And where on earth is all the money going? The publishers had better not be making a profit from selling the word of God. I refuse to pay such an outrageous sum for a bible! People in Africa are getting them for free! Why can't I get some for free? It's not fair!
Dinner was with Kelvin and Christine. I ordered some vegetable pasta thingy which sounded appetising on the menu but turned out to be unpalatable in the extreme. I think it was spinach something. Tasted absolutely appalling. I couldn't finish more than one-tenth of it. Dessert was at Haagen Daz. Interestingly, three scoops of ice-cream cost one dollar less than a standard dessert with three scoops of ice-cream and one wafer thingy. So being the discerning thrifty consumers that we were, we opted not to be fleeced into paying the extra dollar for the wafer. And I'm happy to say that we explicitly informed the waiter of this fact when he asked why we didn't just want to order the standard dish. More power to the consumer!
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Shopping with the Fungus duo today. They seem to like V-necks. Which is fine by me, except that I don't exactly have the build of the incredible hulk, so when I wear one, I look like an ultra-scrawny mutant in a poncho. Yet the Fungus woman seemed to think I looked somewhat appealing in a striking red one with a monstrous flower on the front that made the t-shirt look like it had been done over by a kid with dirty fingers. Maybe it reminded her of Mr. Pooh, whom she seems to think looks sexaaay in a V-neck. Or maybe not. But clearly, different strokes for different folks. Fortunately I have the power of veto, which I didn't hesitate to exercise on numerous V-necks which we encountered. But I did pick up two Ralph Lauren polos, one of which apparently makes me look like a "baby". And the other one is pink and green - two colours I'm not really a fan of. The only good thing is that they were 40% off. So instead of a super-exorbitant three figure price for one, I paid only a modest three figure price for one.
Monday, May 28, 2007
Today I had a grand adventure with my nipples and a pair of jumper cables. Right, I was kidding about the nipples. Anyway my car battery went flat because I'd left the fan running the day before to air the car which is seriously beginning to smell like the devil's behind. So I had to drive my mom's car around looking for jumper cables and it was several petrol kiosks before I finally found one that sold the darned things. And they were quite expensive too. Boo hoo. Like thirty bucks or something. But now I have the equipment to defibrillate any passed out passers-by I see on the street! I can save lives!
Friday, May 25, 2007
Tea with Miss Japan and Mr. Pooh today. Mr. Pooh was supposed to meet me for lunch but unfortunately he overslept, a minor indiscretion for which he apologised profusely. Not that I minded. I passed the time by studying assorted curios and relics on sale at a most delightful shop in Holland Village. It had all manner of antiquities that looked like they hailed from the innermost regions of Africa. I'm sure if I'd looked hard enough, I'd have been able to discover genuine artifacts imbued with powers of voodoo and black magic.
Lunch was the Katong Laksa and as usual the staff ignored me when I tried to order drinks. Didn't help that they speak mostly chinese. Nasty buggers. After that we adjourned to Fosters for scones. Ahhhh... that was good shit. It was quite expensive though. Ten bucks for three measely scones and a cup of tea. And I didn't even drink the tea because I don't like tea.
After that to town to buy a new belt. I found one at Calvin Klein Jeans and it was on discount so I paid almost half price for it. Woo hoo! And the stupid salesman only said that it looked "ok" on me when I told him I wanted it to look absolutely "fabulous". Bastard. Oh well but in the end I bought it even though Miss Japan and I had quite a lively debate over whether it was the right size. And today I met her sister who apparently took one look at me and could tell that I wasn't interested in Miss Japan. Looks like not everyone on this planet is a complete moron.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Today I went swimming at Safra Mount Faber. 'Best' friend and I had lunch at a really bleak place nearby. It was some hawker centre that looked abandoned from afar, but as we approached, actually turned out to contain life forms! So I ordered some fishball noodles that turned out to be... edible, fortunately. And fortunately they were cheap too. Two bucks for a bowl of stuff of dubious origin. It's the sort of place I wouldn't dare to set foot in if I were a tourist for fear of getting blackjacked. The locals are the sort you'd expect from a depressed rural town that's been turned into a nuclear testing zone where everyone has either one big eye or exposed brains or is otherwise mutated in some other way. When we got up to leave, this able-looking woman swooped down from nowhere and swiped our empty drink cans. It was so fast that it was almost funny, if it hadn't been so depressing. Lord knows how long she had been stalking our drink cans.
After that it was off to Vivocity to watch the long-awaited final instalment of Pirates of the Carribean. And what an ordeal it was. One of the aisle lights had a broken shade, and it was a constant source of irritation cos it was shining brightly just off the centre of my field of vision throughout the entire movie which, at almost three bloody hours, was too darned long! And my butt was freezing so badly that if I hadn't been careful when I stood up I might have hit it against something hard and shattered it. And I had to pee so badly but I couldn't because I didn't want to miss anything and it didn't help that the movie was so long. And it was so confusing too! All the characters were teleporting all over the place and doing stuff that didn't make one iota of difference at all to the grand scheme of things. What a shitty movie!
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Today I discovered that I skate slower than a girl who hasn't skated in years, thus stripping me of the last vestiges of my masculinity. And apparently my skates have decided that I am not to be entitled to my money's worth and have decided to kick the bucket a mere two weeks after I purchased them, so now I have to jam the buckle with a twig to prevent it from bursting open and sending my foot flying into all the shit and piss that adorn the walkways of our nation's largest park.
And finally I got to explore all those little turnoffs from my Sunday morning cycling route. It was quite interesting to see all these places that I never knew existed. I discovered that this country is infested with monkeys. Those little pesky rodents are all over our parks and roads and copulating every chance they get. This scene was actually captured in Singapore by Her Highness' phone, which I learnt today has many functions and is actually much better to use than my phone. But nevertheless, it costs money and until my phone is completely unusable, I will not get rid of it!
Who would have thought that such places exist in Singapore? As we were leaving we noticed that there was a sign hanging above the end of the jetty that said "no trespassing". And there was a coast guard base right next to it. Oops.
ALSO EASTPOINT IS NO LONGER A SISTIC OUTLET DAMMIT!!! WE WENT ALL THE WAY THERE JUST TO BE TOLD THAT IT WAS NOT A SISTIC OUTLET DAMMIT!!!
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Finally, my long-awaited dinner/lunch/breakfast/tea/whatever-I-can-get-my-hands-on with Miss Penelope Tatler has materialised. After countless postponements and excuses (including the I'm-so-sick-I-can't-get-out-of-bed-and-I-look-terrible-routine), she finally presents herself, and in her nice and new but affordable shoes that give her blisters no less. And she proudly proclaims that she'd take quantity over quality any day. As is expected she shows up late (or to be precise, even later than I am), but what can you do against such a charming bite-sized lady?
I soon discover that Miss Penelope is not very picky about where she eats. But this is soon cancelled out by the fact that she looks at the menu for about half an hour before ordering. I give her some hideous thing as a way of expressing my eternal gratitude for er... services rendered *nudge nudge wink wink*. (I just love these cryptic comments which people leave on their blogs which are meant for public readership but which no member of the public can understand.) And the fondue stains my pants. And I hate the strawberries. Boo.
Monday, May 21, 2007
Today I discovered several things about netball:
1. Tall people can be lousy. Like really really really lousy.
2. Time slows down when someone is about to shoot, like in The Matrix. The shooter starts aiming and suddenly everybody stands frozen in place and just... watches.
3. Netball umpires are the greatest whistleblowers since those Enron insiders. For some reason they seem to blow the whistle at least once every five seconds.
4. Kallang Netball Centre does not have enough seats for spectators.
5. The standard of the male toilets are passable, but it is infested with cockroaches. I stepped on one while doing business.
And on Monday night all the darned drinks machines were sold out. The next closest were at Kallang Tennis Centre which was miles away. And sitting there were a couple of very shady characters and some free Elton John postcards.
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Today I was commanded by the Fungus lady and her beau to join them for dinner. When they asked me what I wanted, I said the first thing that came to mind which turned out to be fish and chips (although to be honest I would have been fine with anything not Asian). So along Upper Thomson Road we trudged until we came to some place that looked like it sold fish. We knew this because the signboard said Fish something or the other. It turned out to be some second-rate place that was trying to pull off a bar concept but was not very successful because the furnishings looked like recycled garbage. And Mr. Pooh wouldn't stop complaining and complaining about the place, especially the television that was showing some channel 8 drama.
After that we adjourned to some place called Liquid something or the other where (1) I was charged eight dollars for some fruit juice, (2) I was nearly asphyxiated by cigarette smoke, (3) I had to endure the Fungus lady's intrusive photography that seems only to capture me in unflattering positions, and (4) I had to watch Man U lose the FA Cup. And to top it all off there was this ang moh in front of me who was a Chelsea fan and annoying the shit out of me.
Friday, May 18, 2007
At the invitation of my co-counsel, I went to dinner at a restaurant whose name I have forgotten. I only remember that we sat outdoors next to a man-made waterfall and there was some singing but no dancing. The food was not very good. And there were several patrons whose continued insistence at smoking during dinner was most annoying. Every time they started smoking I had to leave until they finished. I hope those inconsiderate dimwits smoke themselves to death. And the toilets were just filthy. In fact I could smell them from the other end of the corridor. And to get to the carpark we had to go through a cargo lift that would have been unacceptable to a dung beetle. And the carpark itself smelled like a sewer. Disgraceful, simply disgraceful.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
I want to complain! Every time I try to save money by buying cheap stuff I end up spending more by having to buy the more expensive stuff when the cheap stuff doesn't work. Yesterday I was walking around when I was ecstatic to discover three pairs of socks going for $6.90! So naturally I bought them and that decision turned into one of almost instant regret when I put them on. The stupid things were too small and so uncomfortable it felt like I was wearing nettles around my feet. I tried to dispose of them by giving them to my sister by delivering them unto her desk with the pair that I'd tried on stuffed back into the original packaging as best I could. And she took one look at them and said they were fugly! Ungrateful little twerp.
So today I had to buy the expensive socks that go for fifteen bucks a pair. It was quite embarrassing cos the saleslady recognised me (me having visited her little vivocity outlet many times before and made a lot of noise) and I'd previously complained in very loutish fashion to her that her socks were overpriced. I was actually rather hoping that I wouldn't see her cos when I peeked into the store from afar I saw only her colleague. But she entered the shop while I was paying for the socks. Bloody !@#$%^& luck of mine.
I finally found the sneakers I wanted in my size. And boy are they ugly and seriously uncomfortable! What looked good on the shelf were absolutely hideous when I put them on. And the arseholic salesman got quite pushy when I told him they wouldn't work. What a bastard! I don't like him.
Then I got a call from my learned co-counsel inviting me to survey the Isetan sale. And I have to say, what an absolutely abominable experience it was. The whole store was full of repulsive individuals (mostly toothless crones) pushing and shoving and making a mess of the merchandise whose quality was just deplorable. It looked as if they'd brought out the rejects of the 60s en masse in the hope of pawning them off on some poor hapless individual. Needless to say I found nothing remotely of interest. What a completely waste of my precious time. If there's a lesson to be learnt, it's that nothing good is ever on sale.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
I have finally accomplished one of the major goals in my life: to watch a movie alone. The advantage is it's convenient because you can do everything at your own time. The disadvantage is that there is no one to huddle in the darkness with and dread the impending doom and fear the coming of the end!!! Because I wanted a big screen, I chose Lido 1 which turned out be an emminently bad decision because it is a cinema for 900 and there were about 20 people inside and the thing turned into a giant freezer. Come to think of it, it was probably more like 21 since I was the only one there alone and the rest were couples.
Anyway the movie was Spiderman 3 and it was longer than a whale intestine and meanwhile I sat there the whole time freezing my butt off. Any longer and my butt would have turned into ice. Talk about buns of steel!
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
I have the power again! By 'power' of course I mean my car. And with it attendant extravagant parking bills. As Blackadder said: sometimes I feel like a Pelican - whichever way I turn, I’ve still got an enormous bill in front of me. And my mechanic has a most magical cloth! If there's a scratch on your car, simply rub it with this magic cloth and the scratch will disappear! But he said that it's actually quite abrasive so if you do it too often you'll actually end up with a hole in your car. And then you can add cannons and shoot passers-by!
Watched some little-known movie called Fracture today, starring a severely overweight Anthony Hopkins. He seriously needs to go on a diet. In the movie he jumps into his Porsche. I'll bet his belly totally engulfs the steering wheel. Miss Japan seemed to be somewhat amused by his character's behavior. She said he behaved like me. Don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, seeing as how he murdered his wife.
I bought white pants today. Credit must go to Miss Japan who waited outside the changing room (she didn't seem too keen on joining me inside) for what must have been two hours while I tried on thingy after thingy. I wanted this mint green shirt but she said it didn't look good, and per my new shopping policy, all my shopping partners must concur before I'll buy anything. So no mint green shirt for Shawn.
And I need to think of a new nickname for Miss Japan. Somehow Miss Japan just doesn't quite have that ring to it. Maybe Ice Queen or The Tall and White Woman.
Monday, May 14, 2007
Today I rediscovered the joys of walking everywhere and having sweat run down my neck and back and percolate in my underwear. It was completely orgasmic. I had to deliver my car to the workshop to repair some very malignant holes and after that I decided to go back to Queensway to look for my sneakers. I took the train to the nearest station without knowing what bus to take, so I had to walk through a maze of buildings and up and down so many stairs until my entire underwear was soaked with sweat, armed only with my infallible sense of direction. But alas! They do not have my size! No shop on this forsaken island has my bloody size!!!
After that I was introduced to this quaint little place called Royal Copenhagen which sits in a nondescript corner of the Takashimaya department store. The patrons there are one hundred percent the high tea sort, complete with genteel manners and little fingers that stick out when they sip their tea. The waitresses are like little old housewives who speak impeccable English and have the remarkable ability to maintain that stiff upper lip when ill-mannered youth with the maturity of a five year old and table manners of Jabba the Hutt wanders into their classy little joint sporting a Big Gulp.
And I have also discovered that Timberland shoes are gargantuan. And they come with a gargantuan price tag too. But I digress. After dragging Miss Japan from one end of Orchard Road to the other in search of size 12 shoes, I discovered I am a size 11. Which means that we could have gotten the shoes at the first store we visited. Oh, and I discovered, much to my amazement, that sales staff can find out, with the press of a button, which branches have the size you want in stock. Technology nowadays!!! How nice of that idiot salesman NOT to volunteer the information until Miss Japan pulled it out of his ass. Er... I mean asked him nicely.
Saturday, May 12, 2007
The plan today was to bum the day away. But I was surprised by an invitation to join my church cell group from which I have been somewhat estranged. And where there's cell at somebody's house, there's FREE FOOD!!! So I called my equally-good Christian friend along who has been estranged for an even longer time. I learnt that Saul became Paul. It rhymes, how convenient! But apparently he was an apostle but not one of the apostles. Now that part's just confusing. And there are like six popes who are all named Paul. And Paul was not one of them. Why can't they have different and more unique names that are easier to remember like Montgomery or Maximillian?
Friday, May 11, 2007
I want to complain! It's impossible to find shoes in Singapore my size. The only shoes in my size are extremely, and I mean EXTREMELY, hideous. Either that or shoe shops in Singapore expect the majority of their clientele to comprise lilliputians. After one whole day combing the most comprehensive selection of shoes on this godforsaken island and the largest shopping mall in the whole damn country, I ended up with nothing. My flamboyant co-counsel and I have such diametrically opposing tastes that it's impossible for us to agree on anything. When finally we agree on one pair of sneakers, they don't have my size. Blistering barnacles.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Today I shopped with Philanderer-in-Chief, who is going to send a squad of murderous naked Tunisian salt merchants to slit my throat mercilessly after reading this post and attendant appellations. What better way to attract the ladies than to dress like Don Juan himself? After combing our prime shopping district again, I ended up with one shirt that suspiciously resembles the colours of a foremost rival of my alma mater. It'd better get good reviews dammit! And it'd better last! I paid a bomb for it. Or maybe two bombs, depending on which way you look at it. Casanova and I are both very selective shoppers. Which means that our shopping trips are apt to end with us buying very few and very expensive things. Yet my female friends have no problems hauling in large numbers of cheap things day after day. Or as Romeo would say, 'affordable'. How infinitely unfair!!! The common denominator seems to be testicles. Shopping just isn't made for people with balls.
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Today I learnt to skate. Or to be precise, I learnt the theory of how to skate, courtesy of the skating maestro. Ok so I've tried skating once before but that was more like stumbling and falling in front of half the school and the quality of the instruction I received that time was just plain bad. It was more like non-existent actually. Unfortunately there now exist some videos of me flapping around like a chicken and a couple of pictures of me in compromising positions. And my butt and shirt and underwear got all wet and uncomfortable because it was raining and I was perspiring profusely even though Mr. skating maestro was just spinning effortlessly round and round. And I think it might have something to do with the fact that I kept falling on my butt.
And I want to complain! The stupid McDonald's woman got my order wrong. I asked for a double cheeseburger and she gave me a double fish-something. Fish her. Stupid woman. But I couldn't be bothered to get the thing changed so I took a bite. Worst mistake of my life. It was the most horrible burger I've ever eaten. Also I've learnt that greed is not good. Ask for every vegetable at Subway and you get pickles. Darned pickles!!! All pickle farmers should be shot. I hate pickles grrr...
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Grow up, you puerile adolescents! Just because two incredibly good-looking people of the opposite sex go to the theatre that does not make it a date! And why is it that the Singaporean theatre seems to be increasingly flooded by teenagers wearing jeans and sneakers? It's just disgraceful. If I had my way the dress code would be black tie! And all the nincompoops who can't tell the difference between a dinner jacket and a sport coat would have to wear those provided by the theatre. And they'd be ugly and smelly and ill-fitting and uncomfortable. Mwahaha, that would teach them!
I want to complain! Every time we get a musical we get the Australian cast. I suppose the British cast is too busy playing to audiences who actually dress up and charging pounds instead of SGD back in London. Not that there's anything wrong with Australians. It's just that their accents are unbelievably hard to make out. Half the time I was straining to hear what they were trying to say. And it didn't help that there was this annoying old man in front of me who wouldn't stop commenting on every little darned thing to his poor wife. I hate people who won't shut up when they're watching a show. He kept pointing to every little thing to show off how little he actually knew. If he didn't look so unfit I'd say he were an army officer. Idiot. I could only understand the Phantom, this Brad Little guy, who apparently is quite the aunty killer. There were quite a number of aunties queuing up after the musical to get his autograph. Hah, suckers! I bet I have a nicer signature. It even has a dollar sign to boot!
And if anyone knows how the hell they got Raoul to leap two floors off the bridge onto the stage floor without breaking his leg, tell me or else!
Monday, May 07, 2007
Wow, shopping in this country really stinks. It stinks so bad it makes the sewage that's bubbling out through a hole in my bathroom floor seem almost fragrant. It's impossible to find cheap guy's clothes in this stinking town. Everywhere you turn it's cheap clothes for ladies. I spent one whole day trawling our prime shopping district and what do I end up with? One no good lousy stinking pair of jeans that cost me an arm and two legs. And I'm sure the female ones were much cheaper. I refuse to take this sexist crap any longer! I want to complain!
And earlier today I went to the gym, seeing as how my enormously wealthy tuition-giving friend saw fit to hand over nine hundred of his hard-earned dollars to a bunch of lifestyle-hawking corporate sharks for a one-year membership. And the stupid parking cost me ten dollars!!! Never again will I park in the CBD. Anyway I am officially most unfit person in the universe. My groin started to ache after only twenty minutes on the treadmill. I think the only good thing about that place is that you can steal their towels because their system of ensuring you return them consists of a sign next to a bin that reads something like "please return towels here". So if you visit their gym every day for one year you can have three hundred and sixty-five towels!!! Very good for cleaning cars and the like. Although it might just be cheaper to buy a cloth from the provision store and use the public gym.
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